a Sweaty Link Up

Sooooooooooooooooooooo I met this guy, right? But before I tell you the deets of “the date,” let me explain something about me.

I am the kind of girl that likes non-traditional dates. I find dinner and a movie quite the snooze fest. I consider myself active and sociable. I would much rather experience life with someone than just do something superficial.   I would rather do something that shows me who you are than spend countless hours of you making up lies about how you wish you actually were over mediocre food.

Some of my favorite ideas include, an obstacle course, yoga in the park, small excursions, build furniture, create art, community service, and doing one of my suitors’ favorite hobbies (sports, cooking, fixing cars, skiing, etc.)

Chocolate tone bald bearded mesmerizing eyes. Looked like he is Haitian or Jamaican or something.  He ain’t from Dallas (Thank ya Black Jesus; slight shade) so he had a little up north/East coast swag.  We exchanged numbers but it took a little while before we caught a good groove for a couple of reasons. (1) I have zero success with meeting men out. I find the scum of the earth…bottom feeders. (2) He basically told me that he likes being pursued by women.  Now I’m assertive (I like what I like) and smidge attached (I want what I want) but in the words of my line sister “If you want Dev to not do something, tell her to do.” So I was already hell-bent on not initiating anything between us.  (3) Our schedules were kind of goofy so it kept us from locking down a “link up.”

Sidebar: Link up, meet up, or whatever is the trend also. Does dating sound too official? What’s that about?  #PostForAnotherTime

Anyway, we finally picked up communication momentum.  I found out he is single and relationship oriented, has no kids, is employed, has a degree, and is a part time fitness instructor.  I told him I like to box and he asked to train me.  He invited me to his apartment to work out.

As you can read, going to a strange man’s house is NOT my idea of a date, meet up, or link up.  It does however sound like the SET UP for an episode of Unsolved Mysteries, Southern Fried Homicide, or “I Almost Got Away With It.”

I’m thinking well maybe he means meet there and we will go to a park or something.  Before I committed to going I looked him up on Facebook to see who we had as mutual friends.  One of my favorite sorors whom I trust dearly was one of the mutual friends.  I hit her with the 911 pager text like “CALL ME ASAP!!” She told me he is legit a trainer and she knows a few of his clients.  She didn’t know him personally, they met out a few times but that he seemed like a good dude.  Clearly, no one posts about sexually assaulting or kidnapping people but at least he was a real trainer.  I prayed and agreed to go. *SMART LADIES DON’T TRY THIS AT HOME*  Let’s just add this to the “Top 3 Dumbest Ideas Jesus Saved Me From” list; one of the others being getting in the car with Big Thick Fine and Crazy.

I give sissy this dudes photo, a screenshot of his profile w/ his government name, his phone number, his address, and we took a picture for my “last seen in this outfit” poster.

I got to his crib and he wasn’t home.  I called he said he was still headed back from the airport. I waited.  20 mins went by, I began to reconsider and I pull off.  I got mmmmm 6 blocks away before he called and said he was at home.  I go back, reluctantly. He came to get me from the parking lot. He was still fine. We hugged. He made a joke about my boxing gloves on my seat and told me not to worry because he had some in the house.  He took me up to his apartment, opened the door, and there’s another man sitting on the couch.  All I could think was, “I knew it!! WTF was I thinking. I’m about to get got.  They will slut shame me for coming over to a strange man’s house.  He’ll get away with it but not without an a$$ whoopin cuz I ain’t goin down without a fight.  I hope my mace is in this purse.” He introduced the guy as his cousin.  Dude was cute too; I digress.  He shook my hand and continues looking at his phone.

Cutie guy asked me if I’m ready and proceeded to wrap my hands before giving me gloves. I start to calm down and realize he is serious about training me and is not going to kidnap me and tie me up in his bedroom for later.  So now I’m in “be cute but impress him” mode.  I’m like “Ok Dev show him you got curves but you got moves too. Can’t be lazy.  Gotta work hard.”  Y’all the warm up was 5 minutes of jump roping.  Listen Linda, I got too much boom boom to bouncing up and down repetitiously for 5 mins.  The 1^st 60 seconds I thought to myself “this man crazy he gone kill me after all.”  I thought I was going to stroke out.  I began sweating.  Let’s keep in mind we are in Texas and it just rained.  I completed the warm up, went inside, and he asked me how many rounds I normally do at the gym.  I said 9 he said let’s do 7.

Y’all this man whooped me.  I learned real quick 9 rounds on bag is nothing like 7 rounds hitting mitts.  I was ducking, bobbing, weaving, pivoting, but most importantly sticking.  I don’t know if he and his boy were actually impressed but they surely made for darn good hype men.  I was hitting so hard I messed up my knuckles. Sweat was dripping from everywhere.  He definitely got to see me work but cute left round one.  Cute was sitting in the car waiting on me so we could go home.  That sexy sweaty glow was quickly turning to a funky sweaty no.  I was so embarrassed.  This could not be attractive whatsoever.

We finish the workout, do some abs, and helps me deep stretch.  Then he gives me ice and made me a green smoothie.  He’s vegan. While I rest we got a chance to talk about his road to personal training and his other talents, which included poetry/song writing (surprise! #Type).  He gave me some training tips and after about 15 mins I was totally repulsed by my own condition that I decided to leave.  He walked me to my car and reached in for a hug to which I responded “OMG no!!! I’m gross” and extended a high five.  He said, “you’re not gross” and came in for a hug anyway.  He kissed me on the cheek and said “you put in work today.  Hope we get to do this again.”  Me to myself: Whaaaaaatttttt OH YEAH?!?!?

The moral of the story is, I’m constantly being pushed outside of my comfort zone and learning that there are still some guys out there that want to get to know you; not the well put together you but the vulnerable natural you.  In all of my sweaty grossness he got the opportunity to observe my work ethic and my character through this activity. Definitely a good date meet up for the record books.