So ive been in this vibe I’m calling DevDev 2.0.
When i was in my early 20s i felt free to make whatever decision i needed to make for myself. I was crazy in love & vulnerably lived in it. I wanted to see things and go places so i did. I applied for jobs that aligned with my vision regardless of my qualification or lack thereof. I pursued all activities that ignited my spirit. I saw it… i planned it…i got the resources…i took a swing at it and most times than not, it worked!!!
My motto: i aint got no man i aint got no kids and my parents can come see me wherever i land.
Ten plus years later, all of these things are still true: no man no kids and well traveled parents. Ive been reflecting on what made me want to settle over the last 7 years. I think it was the anxiety of aging and not meeting social benchmarks: no career path, no husband, hell no stable relationship, no kids, no house, no major financial gains.
Maybe it was my ex being afraid of my “free spirit.” Or my other ex choosing more “accomplished” boss babes. Or the embarrassment of some poorly executed plans.
I guess i thought if I grew roots then I would attract these things to my life. I believed my success looked like what people told me it should.
Ive also observed the fact that my anxiety has significantly increased over adulthood. Especially during this recent period. I credit that to trying to control things i shouldn’t. Trying to force things when God placed blocks and resistance in my path to redirect me to my flow. My mindset changed about my faith in God, my power, my life. I placed limitations on my life in the form of deadlines, relationship titles, credentials, degrees, material posessions, titles, and salary amounts. Fear held my freedom hostage with no ransom.
Life is about living. Not just acquiring. Life is about love in every way possible; giving and receiving. Life is about fulfillment and purpose.
Life is about flowing, which means you have to travel light.
Ive had some successes in this period. But i didn’t manifest the things i thought it would and stressing about that has made me worse off. So i think i was meant to take what i needed in that season and keep flowing.
In this season, Im taking off my limitations and shedding my fear. To my freedom i add wisdom and experience not just in love and career but in faith. To my freedom i add matured vision and strengthened peace and patience. To my freedom i add a renewed mind. To my freedom i add purpose.
The man I love today, reminds me of the power of freedom and faith. I watch him invent and reinvent himself. His love flows more fluidly with freedom. He fears very few things which allows him to take risks and see the potential in things others do not. This also awards him some successes others do not have. He bounces back every time he’s met with opposition. He leads with purpose and focus. And I’ve realized I’m enamored with his energy because it’s a reflection of who I am. Thats who i used to be. Im inspired by his living. Our thing is unconventional in every sense. Ive tried hard to resist and repel this attraction but i couldn’t. Ive wondered what his purpose was in my life. But writing this makes it clear, regardless of the outcome, he is meant to help bring me back to myself.
I’m grateful for this return to myself. I am hopeful for all the wonderful things it will bring.
Dating with Dev 