Him: Soooo why are you abstinent?
Me: Through abstinence I’ve learned a lot about myself. For instance, I’ve come to understand that I am an intimacy junkie.
Hmmm “intimacy junkie” I get that. But it seems like naturally lots of intimacy will eventually lead to sexual situations.
Agreed but I’ve learned that for quite sometime I equated the 2 in some ways
Sex and intimacy?
yes. I would be sexually intimate with folks I actually wanted emotional intimacy with. I tried to leverage the sexual intimacy to gain emotional intimacy. Mainly because sex is a symbol of my affection & emotional vulnerability, I was forgetting that the two were not one in the same especially not for men.
You don’t think that in the perfect situation, they go together?
Absolutely. But I’ve only had that with one person. I think I spent many years trying to recreate that magic and failed miserably.
I’ve come across a few women who i craved intimately as well as sexually. IDK if i would say “luckily” or “unluckily” but it happened multiple times. It’s such a POWERFUL experience. Back then I would have said any one of them was my soul mate.
Wow. I think people undervalue the power of connectivity. Early in my abstinence journey I would say I wanted relationship sex. Now I thoroughly understand that what I really want is a healthy intimate relationship with great intimate sex. And it’s kind of crazy because I’ve never really conceptualized or articulated it quite like this.
It’s cool, it comes out when it’s supposed to…
And just like that I launched into a new awakening of myself. I am a JUNKiE. I am addicted to passion, purpose, and intimacy. In the past I thrived in relationships that provided me even a fraction of these qualities. I’m crazy about men that are on fire about something. I crave vulnerable connections; knowing you like no one else does and you knowing me the same. Even my profession requires a level of intimacy and purpose.
I can remember being in one particular relationship that felt like we knew each other forever. He wanted to know everything about me. I’m talking about see me do my most natural things. Loved every nap, every roll, every fart…like everything. We could almost read each other’s minds from 2000 miles away. It was scary. I remember waking up in the middle of the night and knowing exactly what he was doing and texting him. Freaked him out. Hell it freaked me out. I’ve never felt more accepted or connected to anyone. We vibrated on the same frequency.
So then, the act of sex… allowing someone to enter my body… is strongly symbolic for an invitation into my most intimate spaces (romantically, psychologically, spiritually, emotionally). I don’t wanna settle for the “even a fraction of” anymore. I’m not compromising for less than the full connection with reciprocity. I can’t be the only one being open. This is harder when the vibe is strong. I think this is a karmic lesson for me. My glow up requires me to move differently. I have to be in tune to what’s being presented to me and confidently measure it to what I know is best for me and just how it makes me feel about the person.
“Where there is intimacy, there is the absence of fear & the presence of freedom & safety.” – Dev, The Intimacy JUNKiE
XoXo
Dating with Dev 